I Finally Have Photos...

After much trial and error I have figured out how to upload photos from my camera memory card...it helped to load the camera software onto my computer (I've only had the camera since last September 2008)! I do not claim to be a technology wiz so...

This is a short post tonight. It is late and I am off to bed. I will get this blog up to par soon.

Have a very restful and pleasant night.

Woo Hoo!!! I finally have photos!!!

Taking It in a Different Direction...

I have been doing a lot of thinking and self reflection the last few months, and decided some things in my life were in need of change. I feel like I have been bombarded with negativity. Some put on me by others, and some I put on myself. I made the decision to cut ties with certain negative people who are toxic to everyone around them. The kind of negativity that when you are around them you literally start to feel bad. People you are not able to be yourself around, because they take everything you say and twist it into something negative. Life is too short to waste time trying to measure up to some impossible standard someone else has set for everyone but themselves.

I would like to have more joy and laughter in my life. Instead of dwelling on how I wish things were, I am going to focus on the good things right in front of me. The moments of everyday life that are often overlooked. I am going to look for the joy and laughter, the sunlight and love, the kindness and warmth. No more dreading the mundane jobs of housekeeping. I am going to find the joy in even the smallest of things. How things feel, smell, sound, taste, and look. Whatever makes me smile is what will get my attention.

Seeing and hearing the negative in the news everyday is bad enough. I do have a choice of how much I let into my everyday life, and I choose less... much, much less!

I am in denial you say? No, I am finally learning at 47 years of age that I don't have to put up with certain things. Negativity for no reason, is one of the things I am not willing to put up with any longer. I don't like mean people and I don't have to put up with anyone being mean to me or others I care about. I am not a mean person and would feel horrible if I ever hurt another person's feelings. I have seen so much of this behavior lately and it is very discouraging. All people deserve to be treated with respect and love.

My favorite quote is, "Be happy in this moment for this moment is your life". I am going to take this to heart and remind myself of it everyday. As a result I am going to rethink this blog and will be taking it and my attitude in a different direction...a much more upbeat and positive direction.

Life Was Not Meant to be Lived Through a Computer Screen...

I am truly sad about something today and maybe no one will agree with me on this, but it is how I feel. I would love to hear your opinions/feelings on the subject if there is anyone reading this, out there in blogland.

I just deactivated my Facebook account. I have never really been into it anyway. Nor do I have time to sit on the computer (at least if you are on the phone you can move around and still get things done). Yes, it is neat to be able to reconnect with people you went to school with, who you haven't seen or talked to in a long time, or family that lives far away, but I find people are using it in place of actual interaction with friends and family. I have thought this for a while but yesterday showed me the sad reality of it...

My birthday was yesterday, and instead of my best friend of 30 years calling me (we live 10 minutes away from one another, and talk on the phone almost everyday) with the traditional Happy Birthday song sung to me by herself and her kids, she left me a message on Facebook! Then to top it off my friend who I have lived one house down the street from for 18 years did the same thing. She was out of town, but has her cell phone with her. She managed to find the time to sit in front of a computer or she sent the message from her phone, so why wouldn't a person just call? Makes you kinda feel like they really didn't want to talk to you, so they did the least they could get by with. Yeah, that really makes you feel loved and appreciated...

I am the friend who makes sure I call my friends and family on their birthday. Their card if in the mail, is there before or at least by their birthday. We go to lunch or dinner (up to them of course). I just want them to know they are appreciated and someone is thinking of them on their special day. If we can't do something on their birthday then they choose when we do. I don't expect all this from my friends, but at the same time I do not expect a message on Facebook to take the place of at least a personal phone call.

I know people are busy, so am I. And I am not some self absorbed, self centered person who thinks the world should revolve around me either. I usually rearrange my plans or time just to be able to spend time with my friends when they have time, which is probably just as bad.

All the technology we have these days is fine in it's place. However, I feel as if it is taking the place of natural human interaction.

When friends and family send you birthday wishes through a computer screen in place of picking up the phone to actually talk to you, like they have always done....I don't want any part of it. Life was not meant to be lived through a computer screen!!! You cannot have meaningful relationships with people that way, and I find it all very sad...

In The Blink of An Eye

My Little guy just started kindergarten today...and I was a mess after I dropped him off at school this morning! Being the independent boy that he is, he practically ran from the van to get into school. He did however, turn around to smile and wave three times before heading inside. I am so happy that he is so secure in the fact that we would be back for him in the afternoon, after school was over for the day. I would rather him be that way instead of not wanting to go, and crying.

It was hard for my because the last few days I have not slept well. Due to thinking about how fast the time has gone and how much faster it will go now that he is in school full time. It has taken no time at all for him to reach 5 years old! You give birth to this beautiful baby one day and in the blink of an eye that baby is off to school...

I picked him up and he was one exhausted kid. He laid down on the couch for about an hour and a half once we got home. Not too long after that he was outside with his dad and their golf clubs. Oh, to have that much energy! What I could accomplish in an afternoon...

Until next time...don't blink to fast you may miss something!

Here We Go...

Here I am. I have been decluttering my house for the last several days. One small area at a time. As they say, "Baby steps". We have 27 years worth of stuff, and I am so tired of it that finally I am determined to not let anything get in the way of decluttering and clearing all the unused stuff out!

I will admit that most of the clutter is mine. I am a book-a-holic, so we have a not so small library in our basement. I have all kinds and colors of fabrics and threads as well as the quilting books and patterns to go with it all. I have all the usual fine art supplies for watercolor, oil, and acrylic painting (books included). I started out cross stitching years ago. My yarn stash, knitting books, and knitting needles could rival a small yarn shop's inventory. I used to sell rubber stamps for a well known stamping company, for which I had to keep a well stocked supply to demonstrate at parties (this turned into scrapbooking). Then there are all the other odds and ends used in creating arts and crafts, which I have aquired through the years. Did I mention my collection of cookbooks?

I have always been a person who likes to create things. Ever since I was a little girl sitting at my mom and grandmother's feet, playing with buttons, scraps of fabric, and thread, while they sewed clothing for themselves and me. I was encouraged to use my hands to make something from nothing. I caught on quickly and never let go.

As much joy as I have gotten over the years out of making things, all the "stuff" has become a touchy subject in my family. I have also finally become tired of looking at all the piles of clutter. I am on a mission in such a way that I have never been before. I am putting my family's well being, and my own, first for a change. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to important issues I have always done that, but I also have always put other "fun" things first. No more...it has started to affect my mood, my husbands mood, and because of our moods it trickles down to the boys.

It will take a while, you know, it took the last at least 18 years to get this way so it won't be cleared out over night, but it will be cleared out sooner than later.I am actually enjoying getting rid of things. I look at it as making way for a restful environment, more time for fun family outings with a clear mind, and more time for creating with my little guy who loves art as much as his momma.

Here we go...

Rain Rain Go Away...

Today I am fighting with all that I am made of to not spin down into the black hole of depression which I have known before. I am not quite sure where this is coming from. I have been free of depression for just about 9 or 10 years. With the exception of almost 5 years ago when I gave birth. I had a three week bout with postpartum depression. Other than that I only experience the blues once in a while like anyone else does.

I am convinced that springtime and the end of another school year has something to do with it. My little guy will finish up his last year of preschool this week on Friday. In the fall he will be in kindergarten already! My older son has just finished his second year of college and will be 20 in August. I've had other things on my mind this past week as well. I lost a baby 9 years ago today at midnight. My cousin's death was almost a year ago now. Too many of my friends are too busy to get together these days. It's all a little overwhelming and very lonely.

I am not fond of change I will admit, but I usually handle things better than I have been of late. I am in desperate need of some fun! We were planning on going to New York City this weekend for 5 days, but had to cancel due to some unexpected expenses, the swine flu helped a bit, and our oldest wasn't going to be able to go at the last minute. I can take a hint. We were not supposed to go for some reason...

All the rain this spring has given way to some beautiful green grass, flowers, and trees. I am ready for some sunny days though, so the weather will warm up. So rain, rain go away...come again another day.

How was your day? I am done getting things off my chest. Now do I dare post this or hit delete?!

A Bittersweet Mother's Day...

As I sit here thinking about how lucky I am to be able to have another go a being Momma to my second little guy, it is bittersweet. My 36 year old cousin passed away last June from cancer. She had three kids. This will be her kid's first Mother's Day without her, and her mom's first Mother's Day without her as well. I also have a friend who's son passed away last August. His 23rd birthday was today. I remember hearing her sister in law talk at his funeral about her memories of him coming home from the hospital on Mother's Day, soon after he was born.

Life throws us curve balls every once in a while, and it is how we choose to respond that shows us what we are truly made of. It is with great admiration that I write this post tonight. My friend and her husband are still weathering the storm that was created the day their son passed, but they do so with grace. I believe God has shown them mercy with all the love, support and compassion that surrounds them. People really are good and they do come through in hard times. I just wish it didn't take hard times for people to show up for others.

My cousin has been on my mind all week. This time last year we were getting ready to meet her and her family in Savanah, Georgia to go on to Disney World with them for a week. She died three weeks after we returned from Florida.

So this Mother's Day I will treasure every moment with my son's no matter what we do or don't do. I will inhale the breathes of fresh air which are their personalities, and be thankful to God that he has blessed me with two beautiful boys. Without them my life would most certainly be incomplete.

To Nicole, I know you will be looking down upon those who miss you terribly, and God will grant us the grace to get through the day. We will remember happy times with you and treasure them always until we meet again someday in God's Kingdom. I love you, Nicky.

To Michael, Happy Birthday. You are sorely missed. I'm sure your family spent the day reminiscing about the day you were born. I didn't really know you that well, but what I did know of you was truly a pleasure.

To all those in blogland, I wish for you a peaceful Mother's Day, and the ability to make the most out of every day, not just holidays. Give thanks for those you love and cherish the smallest of moments with them.

Where Does The Time Go...

My little guy is four and will be five in about 2 months. It seems as though he was just a 2 week old new born last month. How is this possible? There are four weeks of 4 year old preschool left for him. I would love to slow time, but since I know that is not possible I will instead spend every moment I can snuggling, reading to, talking to, playing with, teaching, and loving my sweet little boy. I don't want to miss one precious moment. He is the most energetic and lively little person I have ever known. Everyone loves him and he loves everyone. He's funny and smart and loves life. Not much gets by him and I am positive he will not miss out on anything he wants in life.

My older son will be 20 in August. This seems utterly impossible to me that he is no longer a little guy. Again I feel as though he were just a baby yesterday. How do we let the years go by so quickly without realizing the important moments are slipping away when we're not looking. He is a strong, intelligent, funny, and loving human being. I love spending time talking with, and listening to him. He is a gentle soul and always has been a very easy going person. We have always had a close relationship and can talk about anything. He loves his little brother and his little brother idolizes him.

Two boys, fifteen years apart in age...where does the time go...

Eventually...

There are many things on my personal "To Do" list. It is personal because it has nothing to do with my family life, and it is not a matter of life and death if these thing don't happen. Maybe I should treat them as though they are life and death so I would get them all done. I have many big aspirations about many projects. My writing, knitting, quilting, paintings, books to read, clay projects, new artistic skills I would like to try, scrapbooking, tweaking my blog (adding photos to the content), setting up my etsy shop, crafts with my little one, time with friends, etc...as you can see the list goes on and on and...I keep telling myself I will involve my four year old in these activities, and that will allow me to work on them. Ha! That never works, because in order to get to them I feel I "should" do the household chores first, then I can "play". When the chores don't all get done I then feel as if I can't do the fun stuff. It is a never ending cycle! I use to do the things I love when I felt like it, but I have let the "shoulds" invade my psyche. This is a quick and effective way to bring to a screeching halt a persons creativity!

One of the lies I tell myself is, "I suppose if I really wanted to do the things on my list I would JUST DO IT!" I think I do this to try and feel better about not doing what I want. Why as women do we constantly tell ourselves the lie that EVENTUALLY when we have time we will get to it (whatever "it" may be)?! I need to do the fun stuff sometimes or I get very grouchy. Yet, I rarely do the activities I listed, so as you can probably imagine I am and have been very grouchy lately!

So here's what I'm thinking...it would actually benefit my family for me to get to some of the items on my list. Right?! No more grouchy wife and momma. No more telling myself, "When I have time I will ________." No more putting fun last.

Yes, I'm sure I will do this EVENTUALLY...

A Person's Perceptions Are As Individual As Their Fingerprints...

If three different people were to read the same story, more than likely you would get three different perspectives on that story. This is what happened last Friday evening at the writer's group I belong to. I read a piece I had written for my Nonfiction Magazine Article class, which had been well received the evening before in my class, by the instructor as well as other class members. The goal of this writer's group is networking, and helping each other to become the best writer's we can be. One of the activities at the meetings is for anyone who wishes to, to read their work aloud. After the reading other members can either verbally critique what had been read, or write their critique on an index card, meant for the writer's eyes alone. I never read the critique's at the meeting. I will usually wait until I am home and settled in for the night. I like to savor the good one's, and to decifer the one's which I am not clear what the person was trying to say. I had quite a few critique's Friday. All different perspective's, some made no sense whatsoever, other's appreciative of my writing and honest story telling. I write nonficiton primarily. So they are not only commenting on my technical writing skills, but also my opinion or style of writing has come under scrutiny. There are those who totally do not get what the piece is about and they can be the most critical and downright nasty. How what I've written is being percieved is like night and day from one person to the next. It's as individual as a person's fingerprints...to each his own...