In The Blink of An Eye

My Little guy just started kindergarten today...and I was a mess after I dropped him off at school this morning! Being the independent boy that he is, he practically ran from the van to get into school. He did however, turn around to smile and wave three times before heading inside. I am so happy that he is so secure in the fact that we would be back for him in the afternoon, after school was over for the day. I would rather him be that way instead of not wanting to go, and crying.

It was hard for me because the last few days I have not slept well. Due to thinking about how fast the time has gone and how much faster it will go now that he is in school full time. It has taken no time at all for him to reach 5 years old! You give birth to this beautiful baby one day and in the blink of an eye that baby is off to school...

I picked him up and he was one exhausted kid. He laid down on the couch for about an hour and a half once we got home. Not too long after that he was outside with his dad and their golf clubs. Oh, to have that much energy! What I could accomplish in an afternoon...

Until next time...don't blink to fast you may miss something!

Here We Go...

Here I am. I have been decluttering my house for the last several days. One small area at a time. As they say, "Baby steps". We have 27 years worth of stuff, and I am so tired of it that finally I am determined to not let anything get in the way of decluttering and clearing all the unused stuff out!

I will admit that most of the clutter is mine. I am a book-a-holic, so we have a not so small library in our basement. I have all kinds and colors of fabrics and threads as well as the quilting books and patterns to go with it all. I have all the usual fine art supplies for watercolor, oil, and acrylic painting (books included). I started out cross stitching years ago. My yarn stash, knitting books, and knitting needles could rival a small yarn shop's inventory. I used to sell rubber stamps for a well known stamping company, for which I had to keep a well stocked supply to demonstrate at parties (this turned into scrapbooking). Then there are all the other odds and ends used in creating arts and crafts, which I have aquired through the years. Did I mention my collection of cookbooks?

I have always been a person who likes to create things. Ever since I was a little girl sitting at my mom and grandmother's feet, playing with buttons, scraps of fabric, and thread, while they sewed clothing for themselves and me. I was encouraged to use my hands to make something from nothing. I caught on quickly and never let go.

As much joy as I have gotten over the years out of making things, all the "stuff" has become a touchy subject in my family. I have also finally become tired of looking at all the piles of clutter. I am on a mission in such a way that I have never been before. I am putting my family's well being, and my own, first for a change. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to important issues I have always done that, but I also have always put other "fun" things first. No more...it has started to affect my mood, my husbands mood, and because of our moods it trickles down to the boys.

It will take a while, you know, it took the last at least 18 years to get this way so it won't be cleared out over night, but it will be cleared out sooner than later.I am actually enjoying getting rid of things. I look at it as making way for a restful environment, more time for fun family outings with a clear mind, and more time for creating with my little guy who loves art as much as his momma.

Here we go...

Rain Rain Go Away...

Today I am fighting with all that I am made of to not spin down into the black hole of depression which I have known before. I am not quite sure where this is coming from. I have been free of depression for just about 9 or 10 years. With the exception of almost 5 years ago when I gave birth. I had a three week bout with postpartum depression. Other than that I only experience the blues once in a while like anyone else does.

I am convinced that springtime and the end of another school year has something to do with it. My little guy will finish up his last year of preschool this week on Friday. In the fall he will be in kindergarten already! My older son has just finished his second year of college and will be 20 in August. I've had other things on my mind this past week as well. I lost a baby 9 years ago today at midnight. My cousin's death was almost a year ago now. Too many of my friends are too busy to get together these days. It's all a little overwhelming and very lonely.

I am not fond of change I will admit, but I usually handle things better than I have been of late. I am in desperate need of some fun! We were planning on going to New York City this weekend for 5 days, but had to cancel due to some unexpected expenses, the swine flu helped a bit, and our oldest wasn't going to be able to go at the last minute. I can take a hint. We were not supposed to go for some reason...

All the rain this spring has given way to some beautiful green grass, flowers, and trees. I am ready for some sunny days though, so the weather will warm up. So rain, rain go away...come again another day.

How was your day? I am done getting things off my chest. Now do I dare post this or hit delete?!

A Bittersweet Mother's Day...

As I sit here thinking about how lucky I am to be able to have another go a being Momma to my second little guy, it is bittersweet. My 36 year old cousin passed away last June from cancer. She had three kids. This will be her kid's first Mother's Day without her, and her mom's first Mother's Day without her as well. I also have a friend who's son passed away last August. His 23rd birthday was today. I remember hearing her sister in law talk at his funeral about her memories of him coming home from the hospital on Mother's Day, soon after he was born.

Life throws us curve balls every once in a while, and it is how we choose to respond that shows us what we are truly made of. It is with great admiration that I write this post tonight. My friend and her husband are still weathering the storm that was created the day their son passed, but they do so with grace. I believe God has shown them mercy with all the love, support and compassion that surrounds them. People really are good and they do come through in hard times. I just wish it didn't take hard times for people to show up for others.

My cousin has been on my mind all week. This time last year we were getting ready to meet her and her family in Savanah, Georgia to go on to Disney World with them for a week. She died three weeks after we returned from Florida.

So this Mother's Day I will treasure every moment with my son's no matter what we do or don't do. I will inhale the breathes of fresh air which are their personalities, and be thankful to God that he has blessed me with two beautiful boys. Without them my life would most certainly be incomplete.

To Nicole, I know you will be looking down upon those who miss you terribly, and God will grant us the grace to get through the day. We will remember happy times with you and treasure them always until we meet again someday in God's Kingdom. I love you, Nicky.

To Michael, Happy Birthday. You are sorely missed. I'm sure your family spent the day reminiscing about the day you were born. I didn't really know you that well, but what I did know of you was truly a pleasure.

To all those in blogland, I wish for you a peaceful Mother's Day, and the ability to make the most out of every day, not just holidays. Give thanks for those you love and cherish the smallest of moments with them.

Where Does The Time Go...

My little guy is four and will be five in about 2 months. It seems as though he was just a 2 week old new born last month. How is this possible? There are four weeks of 4 year old preschool left for him. I would love to slow time, but since I know that is not possible I will instead spend every moment I can snuggling, reading to, talking to, playing with, teaching, and loving my sweet little boy. I don't want to miss one precious moment. He is the most energetic and lively little person I have ever known. Everyone loves him and he loves everyone. He's funny and smart and loves life. Not much gets by him and I am positive he will not miss out on anything he wants in life.

My older son will be 20 in August. This seems utterly impossible to me that he is no longer a little guy. Again I feel as though he were just a baby yesterday. How do we let the years go by so quickly without realizing the important moments are slipping away when we're not looking. He is a strong, intelligent, funny, and loving human being. I love spending time talking with, and listening to him. He is a gentle soul and always has been a very easy going person. We have always had a close relationship and can talk about anything. He loves his little brother and his little brother idolizes him.

Two boys, fifteen years apart in age...where does the time go...